Mormon Dating Nightmares


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Dating in the Church as a Young Single Adult can be a great thing that can help you to develop experience and get new friends or”¦ it can quickly turn to a horrible and long nightmare depending on you how approach the date. Yes, we agree that standards are everything but when you misunderstand the body language or the ‘signs” given to you then you”re in BIG trouble.

1. Let’s for instance talk about Church dances. We know that the purpose of Church dances are for people to hang out and get to know each other more but come on girls!”¦ If a guy asks you to dance with him he is not asking for your hand in marriage, he is not saying that you are so unbelievablyyy hot that he cannot fathom the idea of dancing with anyone else BUT YOU “¦ He probably just wants to..DANCE! Is that a possibility? Yes, it is.

Therefore, please give the man a chance and enjoy the dance and the company and be yourself instead of acting like you have a line of a million guys begging to dance with you. Most guys like to hang out with simple girls and nothing turns them off more than a cocky girl”¦ LIKE ME!

2. Did you see that bald guy with the white shirt and boring tie in Church who you never talked to before? Well, he is a return missionary. He MIGHT be desperate if all of the sudden he gets your phone number from a friend and calls you to tell you he just came home from his mission and is looking for his eternal companion. RED FLAGS LADIES!

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You also get the idea when now in person, he comes to introduce himself and at the same time tells you that he had this beautiful dream and in this dream, you and him were together in the Temple being sealed for all time and eternity. As your jaw drops to the floor when you hear that, he then adds that he would like to take the “relationship” (yes, that lonely 2 minute phone call IS the “Relationship”) to a serious level. Girl..If you hear THAT, change your phone number, move to another city, heck…Wear a wig, get a restraining order”¦R-U-N!

3. Guys, did you see that good looking girl with perfect teeth, modest outfit and voluminous hair due to lots of hair spray? The one who plays the piano and serves in Primary. Yessss, the one who talks with a baby voice and says every five second “Isn’t that sweet, isn’t he a gem?”. Don’t let the look fool you! Be aware of this kind please, if you have a potty mouth and you are used to say horrible words such as “darn” or “hell” well, that will be the last time you will ever hear from her. She will never stand for such filthy mouth. You should feel ashamed of yourself.

4. You happen to be interested in the son of a General Authority? Girl, you have no idea where you are getting into. We”re talking about Royal blood here and if you happen not to come from a Royal family, then be prepared to do the best you can as a “commoner”.

Go to the Church web site and start reading ALL the talks giving by his father so if you happen to get serious in that relationship and he invites you to meet his parents, you can tell his father all about the wonderful things he spoke in General Conference, score some points!

Make sure to do a checklist before that visit though: No extra piercings, hide that butterfly tattoo in your arm, and no beards or mustaches (the brethren are clean-shaven, so make sure to wax that mustache young lady!). Oh and if they ask you about your parents and their background, you can always boast and say that your mother is the 5th cousin of the great-great-great-grand-uncle of the wife of a General Authority. That’s usually quite impressive.

6 thoughts on “Mormon Dating Nightmares”

  1. Hilarious and very cheeky! wink.gif Even though I know your blog post was done “Tongue-in-cheek” I met quite a few girls like you described in your posts!

  2. I’m so glad I’m decades removed from this. Back in the day, we simply clubbed the girl we liked and dragged her back to the Cave. So much easier.

  3. LOL royal blood! Love the Church and the culture, everything you just wrote it’s so true even though most of the time we don’t realize it!

  4. I came to re-read and look at the comments, and what did I find? An ad proclaiming “No Drilling, No Bleeding, No Scarring?” If only dating were so.

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