Let’s see: I am already a black-sheep Mormon ✓(Most can tolerate it) a feminist ✓(Ok…it is starting to get hm) and last but not least *drum rolls* I am also a VEGAN.✓(Everyone loses their mind at this point).
Okay, well I don’t eat dead animals or secretions coming from animals’ private parts. For those who aren’t very familiar with vegans, it means that we don’t eat any animal flesh (Yess, no fish too). We don’t eat dairy products, hen’s periods (A.k.a eggs) or bee vomit (A.k.a honey).
Okay, so far so good. The truth is that being vegan isn’t hard but being vegan around Mormons is like being constantly condemned to fire and brimstone just because you rather a piece of tofu over the dismembered leg of a tortured animal. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint y’all.
What is the beef (Pun intended) that Mormons have with vegans? Really. There isn’t any other topic that gets some members more riled up and defensive as when they discover another member is vegan. They just lose it.
You can say you look forward to plural marriage and no one bats an eye. Heck, you can say your Bishop is a jerk and still make it alive. You say you are vegan, and hell goes loose. The community jumps to your jugular like hungry hyenas thirsty for your blood and man… it gets ugly, really ugly. And all because?…you eat fruits, veggies and grains. What’s up with that?
One of the first things these godly Saints do is give a lecture about protein deficiency without knowing that vegans get their protein from the main sources of protein! Vegetables (And beans, tofu, etc). And man, even if you try to explain it is a lost cause.
The ironic part is that you can be stuffing yourself with junk, fried foods in every single activity, consume sugar like going out of the style and no one ever challenges or cares about your dietary choices. But they hear you/see you eat natural foods such as veggies and fruits, and boy…suddenly everyone has a degree in nutrition. What the health..?
Not sure why, but when people realize that you are vegan suddenly there is this urgent need to explain their food choices: “I only meat twice a week” “I cannot live without bacon!” “I couldn’t give up cheese”. Umm…okay but no one is asking that you give up anything?
“I love meat!” You do? I dare you. No…no…I take that back. I double dare you to go hunting for your own prey. Just like predators, you cannot use any tool but just your bare hands. When you see your victim, just jump at it and kill it. After your animal is dead, I dare you to eat it ALL. What? Do you want to make a fire to cook it? Um, have you ever seen a lion taking a zebra and BBQ it? Nope. You must eat it raw like a good flesh lover would. What are you doing? Trying to get rid of the nose, butt, eyes, ears? What kind of meat lover are you? You must eat the whole animal! BBQ sauce, seasonings? Really? Hm..So you don’t love meat after all.
“Vegans enjoy making others feel guilty!” Really? I didn’t know we do that but based on what you’re still eating, it seems like the guilt-trip didn’t work out very well after all.
“Vegans are freaks!” well I can’t argue with that one. You win, freak and proud.
Then you have the ones that get seriously preachy. They quote scripture after scripture about eating meat. Apparently, I can’t be a good Mormon because I choose not to participate in the slaughter of innocent beings. I know, the nerve of the Freaky Mormon!
Can someone seriously argue that it is okay to take a sentient being, put them through hell and then kill them because some people love the taste of blood? Am I to believe that every single organ of an animal: stomach, eyes, nose, kidney, intestines etc. Works perfectly except the brain? And they don’t feel pain or joy?
Contrary to popular belief, meat is not a need (Sorry New York!) Our bodies do not need it to survive. If you don’t believe me, put some veggies on a plate, bow your head…offer a little prayer and gently start breathing in and out…See? Meat isn’t oxygen.
Our dear Prophet Joseph Smith taught that animals have spirits and they resurrect. It is also stated in his inspired revision of Genesis:
“Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things. … And surely, blood shall not be shed, only for meat, to save your lives; and the blood of every beast will I require at your hands.” (JST, Gen. 9:9-11.)
Are we saving our lives every time we drop to Burger King for a Whooper? What about when we take that chubby turkey for Thanksgiving and shovel stuffing in the poor dead animal’s butt and then exclaim: “This is so yummy!” And then they say that…*cough* vegans are weird??
And the millennium? I’m curious, what is going to happen during the millennium though?
“The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.
“And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together: and the lion shall eat straw like the ox.
“And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice’ den.
“They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.”(Isa. 11:6-9.)
I doubt there will be T-bone steaks or burgers hiding somewhere during the millennium so better start liking broccoli and sweet potatoes. The end is near my meat-lover friends *evil laugh*.