Understanding Women

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From the beginning of times, it is said that women are hard to understand and decipher because they say one thing but actually, they mean another altogether and If you haven’t taken a crash course about how to read minds so you could understand the subliminal messages they are trying to send you, man.. You could in big trouble.

Like for instance, if you see your wife or girlfriend looking angry or upset, one of the first things you ask is “Honey, what’s wrong?” to your surprise she replies “Nothing”. You see that little word made of 7 letters? “Nothing””¦means actually “EVERYTHING”.

Of course, you can choose to go your merry way after she says that and make her angrier because you are being “insensitive” for not figuring out that she is NOT fine OR you can choose to remain at her side and try to find out what is wrong. However, keep in mind that in these sort of scenarios it is usually “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”. Whatever you choose to do, never ever ask if she is on her period, that question alone can be fatal followed by at least a 3 hour discussion/rebuke on why you would ask such a thing so you better stay out of trouble.

Here is a list of some subliminal expressions women use that I am sure you heard from your lady:

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1. “I am fine”: Everything is wrong.

2. “We need to talk”: I have a long list of complaints and you better listen to them!

3. “I”ll be ready in 5 minutes”: I still have to shower, see about my hair, makeup, matching clothes and shoes and jewelry”¦I will be ready in 2 hours.

4. “I am not angry!”: But what the heck? Are you dumb? Don’t you see how upset I am!

5. “I have a headache”: I do not feel for sex tonight and no, I do not want an aspirin.

6. “Am I fat?”: You better tell me I am not fat or you will see son of a gun!

7. “I think we need some space”: I want you out of the picture and quickly.

8. “I think you are wonderful but..”: You suck.

9. “I like your friends but”¦”: I hate your friends.

10. “I don’t have shoes”: 200 pairs isn’t enough.

In Church you will hear some as well:

11. “I don’t mind a calling Bishop, I think I could give a lot of me to the Relief Society” : Don’t even think about putting me in Primary!

12. “My goodness, your hands are full!”: Are you trying to overpopulate the earth? You”re having too many children!

13. “Your children look very energetic and they love to explore”: Hey, your children are way too hyper and they are walking all over the chapel during sacrament meeting!

14. “Are those questions necessary for our Salvation?”: Stop asking questions I don’t know the answer for.

15. “I am sure, Sister Jones starves herself to be that slim after 5 children”: I wish I had her body!

You see…Women are sometimes like the female versions of Criss Angel Mindfreak, you know”¦ they play these little mental games on you and whatever you see or hear is often times just pure illusion. Of course, is up to you to figure out what they really mean but I warn you, the process can turn itself quickly into a Russian Roulette. Make the wrong move and boy, you are kaput.

The solution? The two most wonderful words of all times: Yes, dear.

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